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So you had a bad breakup, and now you want him back. It’s not going to be easy, but here’s some tips that can help you. So many people don’t succeed in winning their ex back. It’s not really our fault. No one ever handed us an instruction book when we first started dating that taught us how to handle a breakup. Much less, how to get a boyfriend back after a breakup. If you really want him back into your life, here are five simple steps:

1. The first thing you should do, is to get rid of all your negative thoughts. You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. You have to be willing to be strong. Don’t let your emotion and especially depression keep you down. You can’t achieve a goal, if you can’t keep your emotions in check and your mind clear. Nothing is more damaging to your cause than self-pity.

2. The previous form of the relationship is over. No amount of wishing can ever bring it back to the way things were. You can’t let your mind keep wandering into the past. Focus on what is going on now. If you realize that the relationship of the past wasn’t perfect you’re heading in the right direction and laying the foundation for you and your ex boyfriend to get back. Remember you are most likely glossing over all the bad stuff that happened. The relationship wasn’t broken up in a day, and it won’t be mended overnight either.

3. Don’t become the desperate ex-girlfriend. If there’s one thing ex-boyfriends don’t need, it’s pestering. You may want to seek comfort by hearing his voice or seeing his face, but if you really want him back, you must back off for a while. Don’t continuously call him, text message him, email him, or go to his place or where he hangs out just to see him. Give him time to realize he may have made a mistake. This is important, not giving him enough space to start missing you will make it harder on things in the long run.

4. Get yourself a makeover. Start pampering your looks. Get some new clothes and makeup. Get a new hairstyle. If you’ve picked up a few pounds, start exercising and eating healthy. When you look good on the outside, you’re going to start feeling better about yourself on the inside. By feeling good on the inside you will be confident and happy. When you’re confident and happy, you will project this image to others. Your ex boyfriend won’t be able to resist you.

5. Take your time. If you’ve done the four steps, your ex will try getting back in touch with you by himself. Imagine his surprise when he sees the “new” you from step 4. He will probably be sorry that he broke up with you. Keep your physical contact with him to a minimum, if you do see him. Seeing you looking your best and seeing that you’ve become confident and happy will make him desire you. If you limit your physical contact with him, this will drive him crazy. Don’t rush into things and the future relationship will be stronger.